Dating is not always an easy game. For Andrew, dating was rather an examination he could never had imagined passing. The last born in a black African American had grew up in an environment primarily inhabited by the whites. He however was not born in America, but immigrated to America from Africa while he was young. He was average looking at best, tall, skinny and had started losing hair from his head at a tender age. He was particularly not confident especially on issues relating to women and dating. Studied in a white-dominated pre-school and primary school, Andrew's self-confident was considerably low. Since his low-grade education, he has always performed highly in academics but significantly low in social disciplines and particularly those that required engagement with other people in the society.
At college, other students described Andrew as a homosexual and was absolutely the only guy in the class without a girlfriend. As a result, it was rather difficult for him to attend parties and celebrations, particularly due to the possible lack of a person to dance with. As a teenager, he worked as a shopkeeper. Flirting with his customers, particularly ladies, was a habit she had picked up in high school as his way of obtaining attention from them. It in fact assisted him get tips from his customers, though this was not his primarily goal with flirting. Though flirting had greatly assisted him to easily establish communications with not only other men, but also with ladies, extending the flirting level friend to a closer friend still posed a significant challenge.
To Andrew, finding his perfect match was an introspective journey, one that was full of hardships and challenges that he encountered on a daily basis. A perfect match was a rather real mystery, one that seemed too challenging if not impossible to achieve. He however was certain about something, just like a caged bird, he had the potential of flying away once freed from the bond of life he had found himself in. He knew he had a rather significant potential within him, but challenges and issues surrounding his environment held him back from achieving. His lack of exposure, low self-esteem as well as his inability to effectively merge with people different from him in the society led him to a world of dreams that really never matured to be a tangible reality.
He saw an opportunity with every girl he flittered with, but how could he know his perfect match and follow it up to build a romantic relationship. His journey with ladies was particularly short, mostly ending after four or five minutes after the conversation at the shop. His physical appearances as well as his flirting character had also become a major hindrance to his entry into the life of love and romance. Living in a society that viewed the blacks as inferior, and one that clearly failed to develop the esteem of all children in the society, greatly limited the ability of Andrew to position himself best in the environment to find his romantic match. To a young Andrew, the future seemed bleak and having no hopes to ever experiencing the beauty of being loved. The feeling of hopelessness and his inability to freely wander around freely with people from different calibers and abilities, the inability for him to attract girls with his behaviors and characters had seemingly darkened his love life, and in some instance leading him into a state of denial and reduced esteem.
However, he always knew and remained positive that one day, he will get his perfect match. The main question was, how? Unlike a bird in a cage, he was always on a constant struggle to break the bond of life and overcoming the strong challenges that existed. He worked tirelessly to make him look appealing, but he always seemed to have worsened every time he changed anything. Unhappy with his progress in the dating environment, he decided to consult his uncle, Tela, about the issue. Though Tela had found himself in numerous love issues, he was particularly good with women. A 41 years old divorcee, it was rather difficult to find Tela alone. He always had someone accompanying him. Andrew always admired this lifestyle. To him, Tela was an expert in finding matching ladies, and especially establishing relationships with them.
After a long discussion with Tela about his career, Andrew thought it important to share his concerns with him. Though originally feeling ashamed with the discussion, his quest to getting a right match easily overcame the fear and the shame. It was until then that Tela suggested of online dating. Though an IT student, Andrew had never thought of the web as a platform for relationship making. He had this negative perception about the internet, always thinking of it being a society for those people who had been rejected by the society. He, in numerous occasions, had heard the term online dating, but had never tried. How he could find love over internet if he couldn't get one in his environment of living, he thought to himself.
To start off, Tela had advised him on a set of online dating websites and applications to try out. The best thing with online dating is that one did not have to have met someone physically, and was often made up of people eager to try out new lifestyles. JDate was the most favorite for Andrew. The website had many members, and one just needed to describe themselves to get hooked to someone. On the first day of trying it out, Andrew was amazed as he already got a date. However, his first numerous dates were somehow comically bad. One of the ladies insisted on ordering some rather expensive drinks, just to live Andrew with the bill. On his second date, the lady seemed rather enticing. They at least had a good chat about life issues and what each of them want. They ordered food and drinks and ate together. However, this was until a phone call disturbed them when the lady decided to live saying, "my husband is calling, I have to go."
Online dating, he thought, only made it easier for him to meet a whole bunch of wrong women, the kind who lied in their online dating profiles or those who had major faults in their character and behavior. He however did not give up. He decided to apply some mathematics into his online dating. To assist in his quest, he thought carefully about what he wanted in a woman and established a rather detailed and multi-leveled rating questionnaire in which he rated every woman they had contact online.
Though he manages to rate several encounters, he experiment results in what can only be termed as obvious regarding the "dos" and the "don'ts" of dating. He learns that the user's personal profile is their face online. It has to be an accurate description of the individual, telling of the many likes and dislikes and showing the best of the person. While many women wanted financially stable men, he observed that showing off as a rather rich person in the personal profile often led to dates with wrong women. He observed that his journey towards a successful online dating would start with a reconstruction of his personal profile to include only the relevant information. He observed that it was rather wrong to post your resume, to list out your skills and abilities, in the profile. He also observed that the user should appear a lover of fun and someone who is easy to please. Finally, his questionnaire led him to the understanding that although most women were never concerned of what men wore, bodied men were more successful in online dating as compared to other type of men. The looks and appearances of men were of little concern to women, but their ability to meet the basic needs of life as well as their bodies were some of the most important attributes that women loved about men.
With these understanding, Andrew sought to make some changes on his profile, expanding it to meet the needs of a successful online dating profile as he had observed in his research. However, this does not come as true relief as he still finds himself in several dates that rather appease him. It appears as all the different women he finds online are jokers who are not in any way search for love. When he was about to quit is when he bumped into this dark African-American lady, 23 years of age and also in a search for a partner. Her profile clearly matched to the qualities and abilities of Andrew. "I am 5 feet tall and have a thing about height", she wrote on her profile. Though she had not used her real name in her profile, it was rather easy to established that she lived somewhere in America.
"This must be what I have been looking for all along", he thought. She looked happy and seemed a serious young lady. Somewhere in her profile, she had mentioned that her favorite book was The Great Gatsby. Though not a big issue, Andrew decided to write back to the lady, this is my favorite sentence in Great Gatsby "If personality is an unbroken series of successful gestures, then there was something gorgeous about him, some heightened sensitivity to the promises of life, as if he were related to one of the machines that registers earthquakes tens of thousands of miles away." To the surprise, the lady responded and said that she had a Great Gatsby sweatshirt. This begun a series of messages and before they knew, they were exchanging contacts and writing to each other directly in their emails.
After a series of messages, they found out that they actually lived just close to each other. "It's time to meet up", Andrew thought. He asked for a date and to a surprise, the lady was ok to meet him. They set out a date and Andrew to pick her up. Andrew was rather excited about the way everything passed on. Andrew had told her that he had watched the film Less Miserables and had hated it. To a surprise, the lady had Less Miserable playing in her when they met up during their first date. "Ok, that is such a funny move. I am so down with that", Andrew thought. While they were moving on very well, Andrew saw future with this lady.
To a surprise, he received a message after the second date saying that she wanted to slow down. Andrew was so conditioned to be blown off and he thought, "She must be politely breaking up with me." This was followed with a series of quiet moments which seemed as the whole world had crumbled down on Andrew. However, Andrew had earlier in one of their dates mentioned that he had an obsession with King Richard III. Two weeks after, she texted him all the articles about how they'd found the body of Richard III. Andrew got an opportunity and was like "Do you want to come over?" She in fact came over, the first time for her in Andrew's house. Since then, they never experienced any more bumps in their newly created relationship. Andrew realized that the lady indeed wanted the relationship to continue. He realized that Andrew was a kind of a person who meant was she said and said what she meant. Andrew often flirted with his uncle "I think she thinks of me as if I own the entire world, she treats me so nicely." After 18 months of successful dating, the two moved together. Baring something that was really unpredictable, Andrew thinks this must be "it."
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