At 12 years old, my grandmother offered me a gold crucifix. I have never let go off the gold crucifix as it reminds me a lot of my grandmother. The gold crucifix is an oval shaped golden carving having been decorated with chiseled lines on the top and vertical and horizontal on the sides. Moreover, it gives me a sense of identity and belonging in the society as sometimes I feel connected to my grandmother, my ancestors and the entire Mexican family and community.
My mother has always been my most obstinate supporter. She has always been encouraging and motivating me to do my best in school ever since I was a small kid. As a result of pressure put on me to succeed, I would lay on my bed and stare at the oil paintings on the wall. The first painting is a colossal oil painting, approximately eighteen by fourteen centimeters, by Cardi Ludovico. The second painting is a tempera painting only 14 by 15 inches by Mantegna Andrea. Both paintings are very inspirational as they encourage and give me confidence and determination. This is a form of art therapy that helps me in nursing my mind and soul and body to enable me focus on my studies.
I have always been favored more than my siblings since my mother has always believed in me and had many hopes and dreams for me. This has made them resent, avoid, and hate me a lot. I remember one time, while on a family trip, my siblings refused to play with me. I stared at the picture of my dog on my cell phone while they had fun among themselves. The dog has been the source of happiness in my life. Whenever I needed company, I would take my dog for long walks in the woods. Therefore, this day I was just imagining and visualizing the good times I have had with my dog and wished I could have carried it along.
As I grew up, there is a time I did not get the grades my parents expected me to get, as the score were not matching their expectations and standards. My father scolded me so bad that I felt being overburdened. During such circumstances, I have always walked down to the church for spiritual comfort and relaxation. The sculpture shows a man standing with his arms nailed to the cross. We can identify the person as Jesus Christ by the cross and throne made of thorns on his head. The sculpture also shows the contours and curves of his body. Luckily enough, I managed to get good grades out of my high school experience and joined a college as they had wished.
I know I am ready for the college experience. When I compare my photo pictures since childhood, I have become mature enough, independent and strong. However, I keep having nightmares of falling out of school or not becoming the success my parents think of me. Overcoming this fear is very difficult because am afraid of the unknown. I have to trust my judgment and let go of the demands of my parents. That way I will live my dreams and become the success that I want to become.
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