Free Essay: Injustice in the Criminal System

Below each question, respond with a "yes" or "no" answer and comments for revision. Write your response and discuss it with the student.

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Introduction

Can you identify one or two sentences as a thesis statement? That is, do one or two sentences name the main subject of the paper and state what you plan to say about the subject.

Yes, I can identify the thesis statement. For instance, the writer did indicate the trend in the criminal justice system by pointing out that African American incarceration rates are considerably disproportional to their white counterparts. The writer also pointed out that this is a serious issue that should be solved within our contemporary societies.

Does the thesis statement take a position on an issue and set the reader up to read an argument paper?

Exactly, the thesis statement takes a primal position since the writer brings to our attention that injustice that exists in the criminal system adversely affect the society and therefore should be solved. This set up the reader to read through the arguments in the body section.

Can you identify one or two sentences as an essay format? That is, do one or two sentences name the major divisions or the thesis idea in the order in which you plan to discuss them? (Optional)

No, the writer did not indicate the divisions of the idea in the manner in which they are explained in the body section of the paper. The writer ought to have chronologically indicated what is going to be discussed in the essay.

Body

Does the/your introduction prepare the reader for the information presented later in the paper? (Answer after reading entire paper)

Yes, upon reading the introduction part of this paper, the reader gets to conceptualize what is likely to be presented in the body part of the essay. Just like the introduction part, the writer presented the kind of injustice indicated in the criminal system of the United States of America. It is validated just like in the introduction part that the African American rate of incarceration outweighs that of their counterparts' whites.

Does this paragraph discuss a single, identifiable point from your essay format? Look at the examples used. Do they refer to specific personal experiences and exact details or are they general and vague?

Yes, the body paragraph discusses and explains identifiable point from the perceived essay format. The body paragraph is specific and sticks to the thesis which is recommendable. Additionally, looking at the examples used within the body paragraph, one can tell that they refer to the exact issue and are not vague. They indicate the specific detail regarding the discrepancy that exists in the criminal justice system of the United States of America as far as the number of incarceration among African Americans and whites is concerned.

Can you identify the topic sentence of this paragraph?

Yes sure, the topic sentence is identifiable in the body paragraph. For instance, it is indicated that the racial composition of the prison population is vastly unequal. This is a strong topic sentence that is well explained in the text.

Is all the material in the paragraph relevant to the point you made in the topic sentence? Does the paragraph adequately discuss the point it presents in the topic sentence?

Yes, all the materials and concept or ideas in the body paragraph are relevant to the point that is made in the topic sentence. The paragraph adequately discusses the point it represents in the topic sentence. For instance, the paragraph explains that there is extreme inequality in the number of incarceration among the blacks and whites within the United States of America and that this issue affects society.

Do the paragraphs of the body follow the order of the discussion you outlined in the essay format?

No, the paragraph does not discuss the points chronologically as indicated in the introduction or essay format. They ought to have used words like, first, secondly.....

Can you identify transitional words, phrases, sentences, linking one major point to the next'? Are the transitions used appropriately? Do they help the reader follow the discussion?

Yes, there are transitional words that link every argument in the body. Words like however have been used to give different opinion regarding the issue. In this aspect, they help the reader to follow the discussion with ease.

Does the body as a whole seem organized and logical to you? Can you tell where one idea ends, and another begins? (answer after reading entire paper)

Yes sure, the body paragraph is logical and organized. Every idea has its sentence with validating remarks.

Conclusion

Does the closing restate the thesis from your introduction? Does it mention something related to the hook?

Does the closing summarize the major points OR Does the closing include conclusions drawn from the evidence in the body of the essay?

Yes, the closing remarks wrap up the thesis that was indicated in the introduction part. The conclusion mentions something related to the hook by pointing out that the black incarceration is higher than the whites' incarceration. Indeed, the conclusion summarizes the major points of the essay as evidenced in the body paragraph.

Documentation/mechanics

Has the writer used in-text citation to document borrowed material? Has the writer used the correct format --- (Crawford 42). ---- last name of the writer of the borrowed information plus page #?

No, the writer has not used in-text citation to document borrowed material. There is no in-text citation at all even though the reference is there. In this essence, the writer, therefore, has not used the correct referencing format.

Is there a "Works Cited" page listed as a separate page at the end of the essay with all the sources used in the paper? Are the sources listed in alphabetical order and arranged according to the correct MLA style?

Yes sure, there is a work cited page at the end of the essay, and it is listed in its page. The source is listed in accordance with the MLA format. However, it is only one source, and therefore alphabetical order cannot apply.

Underline any spelling, grammar, and typos.

No other country in the world incarcerates as much as the United states does.()statistics show that America's incarceration rate is six hundred ninety eight people per every one hundred thousand.

Check for the correct use of their, there, and they're, a common mistake in students' papers.

Student Editor: _____ Derikah ___