When we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side CITATION Pau03 \l 2057 (Coelho, 2003). Falling in love is an intoxicating experience, one that completely changes the course of your life. Man has attempted to explain in detail about this invigorating phenomenon that is love. C.S Lewis elaborates on how profound love is yet still has the potential to foster darkness in the form of compulsiveness, depression or even suicide CITATION CSL60 \l 2057 (Lewis, 1960). Shakespeare quipped, What is love? The scientist says that it is chemistry; the philosopher refers to it as a passionate commitment, the psychotherapist as a fusion of many emotions, and for the romantic, an emotion that drives all great stories.
All human beings are bound to love, in whatever form. Based on his experiments, C.S Lewis categorized love into four major areas: philia which refers to the love between friends that is only comparable to that between siblings. Eros refers to being in love or loving, which aims to explain the distinction between the desire to have a woman and that of a particular woman. Agape love serves regardless of changing circumstances e.g. the love of a deity to his creations, like the love of God for Christians (which is considered to the purest and most unconditional type of love in existence).
Of all the types of love, Eros is the most conspicuous and experienced. Man craves to love and be loved and so he goes out of his way encounter this emotion. He invests his time and resources in the process of courtship and endless speculation on whether the other person is whom they are meant to be with. For this reason, many songs/love ballads have been composed to express how great of an emotion love is. Among them is K-Ci & Jojos All My Life. The lyrics are subtle yet profound. I particularly relate to this song because it aptly describes how I felt when I fell in love with someone I was truly convinced that I was meant to be with for eternity. When one falls in love, they completely immerse themselves in the feeling, hence the lines you are the only one my everything and for you this song I sing. Loving someone unconditionally and feeing the butterflies in my stomach every time I thought of them was such a satiating feeling. When one is smitten, they tend to associate with things that translate that feeling, for instance, songs and movies. Hence, I really developed a liking for the song. I expected that the feeling would be mutual because sometimes, love is absolutely beautiful when it is reciprocated. I was constantly thinking of the object of my affection, what he was doing and if he was thinking of me as much as I was him. Love can be consuming and involving.
The song was also an unwritten vow to him/her that I did not intend on loving another person and that I would remain honestly committed to them. It is are to find someone with whom you resonate with so smoothly, and so when you find them, you endeavour to give them unfailing attention. The period of being alone meant that I constantly craved and prayed for a suitable companion. Seeing other couples in the streets or at restaurants increased the inkling to have a significant other. Loneliness more often than not in a circumstance than a choice which therefore led me fervently pray for somebody who would embrace all my flaws and compliment who I was. A burning and enduring love, the kind that offers a soft landing when things are awfully difficult and dim.
When somebody loves you, they make a choice to be there for you through the good and the ugly, they pick you up when you are down and dust off the disappointments of life with you. They turn your life around, he/she made me laugh, opened up my eyes to new possibilities and experiences. When I was in love with him/her, I felt completely invincible. I was so grateful to God for answering my prayers by bringing a fantastic individual into my life.
This song encompassed all the things I desired to say to my loved one but just couldnt find the appropriate words. When you make a vow to love somebody, you uphold it and guard it with all your life. The greatest effect of love is the ability to unify therefore it is not odd to feel as if they were related to you and that you have known them all your life.
Even the best love stories sometimes come to an end and you either accept it or go into a state of denial. How could such a sweet thing come to an end? Even if the relationship is was hanging on a loose thread, I still hoped to revive it. I found reasons to justify my denial. My sense of judgement elapsed and I would not listen to anybody who attempted to give sound advice. Love is supposed to be eternal, right? You just dont let go of something that defined and completed you so well. I couldnt let go, because I was in pain and I had made a promise to love him/her forever. It didnt matter what people had to say, love would conquer in the end.
Then a wave of anger engulfed me because I could understand why the relationship had to come to end especially if we had promised to battle it out. No amount of explanations and justifications could soothe the anger that I had. Every relationship is bound to be hit by tough times but what truly defines it is the ability of the parties to fight it out and sort out their issues. Since he/she was literally my life (all their doings affect your life in one way or the other), I was determined to make it work, and nobody or anything was going to get in the way of that.
Nobody could protect me from the heart break and misery that love wrought, but Anthony Hamiltons Cant Let Her Go gave me great solace. The best songs and poems are written from a dark place, I felt as if this song had been specifically written for me and nobody else. It described the conflict that wavered in my heart at the time, love does not die a natural death, and it soldiers on. Again, I was in denial.
Oscar Wilde quipped that, The heart was made to be broken. It doesnt help that I was very naive about the longetivety of my love affair, I did not see the impending doom of its death. I did not think that I would be okay, I did not believe that I would recover from this agony. Having a song whose lyrics I could relate too, allowed me to feel everything that I knew were bothering me. Sad songs at a sad time can be very cathartic.
The upside to heart break is that once you get over it, it tends to feel like de javu after a while. I stopped feeling desperate and hopeless. I stopped feeling like someone had plucked out my heart with a hot rod. I also accepted the fact that much as I loved him, I needed to move on with my life and stop feeling ashamed and unloved. I stopped feeling the multiplicity of emotions, sadness for the loss, surprise at the deceit, anger for the betrayal and disgust for being dumped.
I felt like it was my fault most of the time that the relationship ended. I bore the brunt of the relationship, accepting that it was not his doing for the failure of the relationship. This is just because I loved him, I gave myself entirely and completely to him even if I was getting nothing in return. I believed that that is what unconditional love was all about. Selflessness, even in the height of narcissism.
Heartbreak is equivalent to somebody torching you and expecting you not to cry. It scalds and theirs is very little that you can do alleviate the pain. So you turn to food, or obsess over your work because your fix is no longer available to you. It is at this time that you are prone to bouts of embarrassment; you embarrass yourself by groping to a sinking ship. You beg, cajole, manipulate even cry, just to get your fix back. At the end of the day, love will conquer and heal the scars. Love is a beautiful emotion that makes the world go round.
In conclusion, the power of love is no doubt overwhelming. Great civilizations were birthed through and love and equally brought down because of the same. Love has the ability to make the mundanity of life bearable. It is beautiful and transformational. Love unutilized has the ability to bear darkness and destroy much good. Beautiful compositions have been brought to life with regards to this essential emotion. These songs have greatly affected my life by providing a cushion during a very turbulent time in my life. Heart breaks are not easy and certainly not anything to write home about.
The latter song provided much needed therapy when my heart was broken and I felt that I would fall into depression. Sometimes, the comforting shoulder of a friend is never enough, and also because they can only listen for so long. Hence, songs that have been composed by musicians who have more or less gone through these experiences, provided great comfort for me. Listening to Anthony Hamiltons song reminded me of the good times I had when I was in love and also gave me hope that things would be better, that there was still hope for us. That maybe he was still thinking about me.
I realized that my heart break was temporary misery and that I would get over it sooner or later. Even though your friends and family are there for you, the only person who can make you feel better is the one who has inflicted such pain on you. I am grateful that I had songs that I could relate to at very pertinent times in my life.
BIBLIOGRAPHY Coelho, P. (2003). Elleven Minutes. Harper Collins.
Lewis, C. (1960). The Four Loves. Goeffrey Bless.
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