Which is better? Living with your partner or staying single? The question is as interesting as it sounds. Among us young adults, living with a partner, for example, while studying is quite a contentious issue. The question seeks to determine young adults' preferences on whether to stay with their partners or not. I could not help but get my attention attracted to the question as it has been a source of heated debate among my peers although my study time. There are those who stay with their partners and have always tried to justify it will all their energy and intelligence. On the other hand, those who are single try to dispute the vice with enormous viciousness. It is, therefore, of interest for me to investigate my take on the issue.
My first thought is that there is nothing wrong with staying with someone who makes you feel happy as opposed to being alone. In as much as that sounds like a good idea to me, I can't help but wonder how much of my space I would feel has been invaded. According to (Roseneil, 2006), young adults tend to like having freedom and space of their own. Staying with your partner would mean that some freedom is limited in terms of what you can do in the house least you start quarreling
Another one of my concerns is limited interactions that would be caused by living with a partner. Living with a partner would necessitate cutting contacts with particular people that your partner might not like. The young adult stage is a stage of experimentation and building connections, and one should not settle for anyone that limits their interactions. Discouragingly (De Jong, 2004). identifies that one cannot experiment with matters love and relationships as it is a feeling that does not require a reason for it to develop. Although, in contrast to that principle there are individuals who will have relationships and be partners without necessarily being in love. The aspect of having a relationship with someone you are not in love with and actually staying with them is another very interesting aspect. Some people do it to be associated with someone popular or for financial gain. I do not completely dispute partners staying together, I would believe in weighing the circumstances at hand to come up with a decision about the issue. That being said, I completely dispute the idea of being in a relationship or staying with someone you don't love for any reason whatsoever. I believe it is a recipe for disaster. According to (Adams, 1978) staying with a person, you don't love will stress you out and affect you physiologically in the long run.
After deliberations with some of my peers and observation of how it turned out for some partners who tried to live together, I am convinced it is not a good idea. Some of them end up being enemies and toiling each other's names. Still yet, those who are pro partners staying together, present it in a very tempting manner. A reading of The Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled and Independent by Ford (2004), indicates that staying together brings partners closer and creates deeper understanding. I tend to think that staying together for young adult partners makes you fed up with each other and exposes the darker side of each partner, and because of the young age, one might not have the understanding to try and resolve the matter without making a fuss.
I think staying with a partner makes the relationship serious than you might want it to be. (Adams, 1978) indicates that liking someone does not necessarily mean they are the right person for you. (Bumpass et al, 1991) argues that staying together does not necessarily mean you have to end up together in the long run. The question that pops up at the back of my mind at the mention of such is, "What's the point then." I think that the whole idea of staying with a partner would be to enhance the relationship and take it to another level. It, therefore, makes no sense to me to stay with a partner that I have no intent of being with in the future. That would amount to wasting each other time and energy that has been invested into the relationship. It is important to realize that staying together would mean certain responsibilities for those involved and carrying them out diligently is an investment towards making the relationship better and stronger in the future. There are several reasons that would make me recommend that partners do not live together. One of the reasons is if they feel they have not found the right person. As mentioned earlier, there is no point in staying with a person you do not intend to be with for long. The other reason would be having unsolved issues about a past relationship. One should strive to solve the issues of a past relationship before deciding to live with another partner. The last reason would be is one has a fear of commitment since staying with a partner means committing to some responsibilities.
Roseneil, Sasha. "On not living with a partner: Unpicking coupledom and cohabitation." Sociological research online 11.3 (2006).
De Jong Gierveld, Jenny. "Remarriage, unmarried cohabitation, living apart together: Partner relationships following bereavement or divorce." Journal of marriage and family 66.1 (2004): 236-243.
Bumpass, Larry L., James A. Sweet, and Andrew Cherlin. "The role of cohabitation in declining rates of marriage." Journal of Marriage and the Family (1991): 913-927.
Adams, Margaret. Single blessedness: Observations on the single status in married society. Penguin (Non-Classics), 1978.
Ford, Judy. Single: The Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled and Independent. Simon and Schuster, 2004.
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