To Love Others, Love Yourself

Published: 2019-09-02 09:00:00
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This is such a sensitive topic that attracts one's attention. Most people put a lot of effort in the search for partners in love, forgetting that they should appreciate and love themselves in the first place. This has led to many individuals being taken advantage of and being demeaned for the sake of the happiness of the "new found love". The advice in this line can, therefore, helps many young adults and adolescents since it reminds them to appreciate their values and attributes before embracing another individual who may come in with totally different ideologies and values which may eventually hurt them.

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This article reiterates the importance of the individuals loving themselves before getting into serious intimate relationships. It reveals the important of having high self-esteem. This virtue becomes of benefit to the individual and to the relationships in which the individual is part of. Moreover, it has been shown that people with higher self-esteem are more inclined towards getting into romantic relationships. This phenomenon becomes vivid during threatening circumstances. On the contrary, the article has shown that self-esteem can be an impediment to a strong, healthy relationship. This is because of the high levels of defensiveness exhibited by persons with high self-esteem when they feel that their esteem has been threatened. People are advised to have self-compassion whereby one appreciates his/her flaws and does not identify fully with them that he or she loses a positive self-image. This attribute leads to happiness at a personal level and with the people in interpersonal relationships (Slother, 2016).

From the class text, it has also been shown that for one to successfully love another person, he/she has to love him/herself in the first place. This has been termed as a positive self-concept. It is shown that a person who rejects himself will do the same to others. The same happens to love. If one can love himself, he can love others too. In this concept, individuals are advised to believe in themselves, accept their weaknesses and value their strengths. Dependence on external validation leads to insecurity and denial. With this, partners in love will also appreciate one's shortcomings and their personality as a whole. This will thus breed a healthy relationship (King & Regan, 2014).

How Do You Really Know If You're Falling in Love?

Most people find themselves moving from one relationship to another looking for real love. This leads to a series of heartbreaks, denial and, in the worst case scenario, depression, and suicide thoughts. People have created complicated ways of understanding and interpreting love. Most of them miss the point since they work with misconceptions and misleading ideologies of its real meaning. Moreover, some people might at one point in time walked out of people whom truly love, since, in their interpretation, they could not figure out the signs of the developing love. It is such a hurting experience when, later on, the person comes to realize that he/she was truly in love, but cannot get things back to how they initially were. To learn the signs that show that one is falling in love, therefore, can be very helpful to the young adults and adolescents.

From the article, I have learned a few tips to guide me to know when am falling in love. First, when is falling in love, he/she starts doing things that the other party likes and appreciates. Stress levels are also a sign of one falling in love due to increase in concern and care for another person. One also tends to find reasons to spend time with the other party and enjoys the company. The intensity of the emotions involved can also help uncover if someone is falling in love. Another prominent sign that one is falling in love is when a person starts being tempted to say "I love you." This shows the inner yearning to connect with the person. Moreover, investing one's time, emotions and energy on another person are a great sign of a person falling in love (DiDonato, 2015).

From the text used in class, falling in love is measured by the use of passionate love scale. This measures the level of desire for the ingredients that make up love. These includes emotional fluctuations, sexual attraction, arousal physiologically and exclusivity. All these features match with those mentioned in the article. Therefore, with these, I will be able to know when am falling in love (King & Regan, 2014).

5 Ways to Help Me Through My Breakup

Break ups are unavoidable events in life. The reasons for this happening might vary from one relationship to another, but the common denominator for all these situations is, one has to move on. Coping with heartbreak and the intense emotions of losing the person you loved and shared most of your time with is very painful. Other people cannot manage these feelings and the thought of parting with their love. These people end up trying out poor coping methods whereby, they shift all the blame to themselves; they end up hating themselves. With time, they end up depressed and suicidal thoughts creep in. For a smart person, it 's important to learn that we are all humans and that we are all subject to mistakes. Moreover, we do not always get all we want, so we have to accept that and move on. This article is such a good piece since it points out the best ways to accept the breakup and move on.

The article gives a guideline on how to adjust and adapt to break-up. Being a grieving process, it may be emotional and time-draining. This, therefore, calls for a warning to the people one associates with, to respect the process and allow it to take a smooth course for healing to take place. These people have to appreciate that in this situation, one is prone to make wrong decisions. This will relieve the person off the pressures of trying to be perfect and, therefore, allow for the healing process (Lachmann, 2016).

From the study text, we realize that the first undoing of most people after a break-up is the review of one's self and the whole situation. This usually leads to loneliness and isolation, a prerequisite of depression. The coping process requires emotional expression to sympathetic listeners, figuring the cause of the break-up, appraisal each partner's roles in the development of the break-up and finally accepting the situation and preparing to move on. Setting the mind ready for the change that is yet to come is the most important part of coping with a break-up (King & Regan, 2014).

Does Love Really Mean Never Having to Say You're Sorry?

Conflict is inevitable in any society, more so between two people who had to compromise with each other's ideologies to become partners. After any conflict, the first step in the path towards reconciliation and healing is an apology. Most people assume this move and, thus, have ended up losing their lovers and friends. In any relationship, there should be appreciation of each other's feelings. Therefore, after wronging your partner, the best thing to show that you acknowledge the feelings of the individual is to apologize. However, most love partners miss this important attribute. They take their partner for granted, and this leads to more conflicts, loss of trust and finally, the couple begins to grow apart. Insight to this important attribute, as provided in this article, makes it worth the attention.

The article states it clearly the importance of forgiveness. It helps in meeting the psychological needs of both the victim and the perpetrator. This is the most important part of the healing process since it shows appreciation of the partner's feelings and also helps relieve the burden of guilt from the perpetrator. This relieve from the tension serves as a good ground for the growth of love and care (Ludden, 2016). As seen in the study-text too, apology is an important ingredient in relationships. Wronging the partner creates a rift between the individuals. But honesty and apology come in handy in the reconciliation process. Everyone appreciates being valued and his/her emotions acknowledged. Lack of this implies that the partner is deficient of respect for the partner's feelings and this, therefore, leads to losing of trust with each other and widening of the rift between the partners (King & Regan, 2014).

Why We Like Being Appreciated

Everyone in this world has a sense of belonging and self-worth. Appreciation of this value by their partners means a lot and this nurtures the love they share. The feeling of appreciation can be shown in many ways. Most of them are simple, but if assumed, they can be very detrimental to the relationship. Saying thanks to the partners for their deeds motivates them to keep doing the same or even better. These words of appreciation also help nurture the self-esteem of the partners. This growth in self-image and self-worth as a result of appreciation by the partner, fosters trust and love.

From the article, we realize that this attribute has many benefits. The first one is the feeling of being valued. This helps motivate the person to do better and commit fully since he/she trusts the partner. It is also quite uplifting to notice that a person recognizes your efforts. This also makes people realize that they are liked, and thus this stimulates positive psychology. The result of this is the growth of love between partners (Amodeo, 2016). The study text is echoing these ideologies. It classifies this attribute as one of the pillars that help in the development of relationships and in keeping the alive. It shows that appreciation helps in building self-confidence in the partners. It also leads to a deeper connection due to the boosted trust of each other. From both readings, the inference is that appreciation of each other's, attributes, emotions, and actions work in the favor of the nurturing of love between partners (King & Regan, 2014).

References

BIBLIOGRAPHY \l 1033 Amodeo, J. (2016, April 23rd). Why We Like Being Appreciated. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/intimacy-path-toward-spirituality/201604/why-we-being-appreciated

DiDonato, T. (2015, July 16th). How Do You Really Know If You're Falling in Love? Retrieved from Psychology today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201507/how-do-you-really-know-if-youre-falling-in-love

King, B. M., & Regan, P. C. (2014). Human Sexuality Today. Los Angeles: Pearson Education, Inc.

Lachmann, S. (2016, April 20th). 5 Ways to Help Me Through My Breakup. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/me-we/201604/5-ways-help-me-through-my-breakup

Ludden, D. (2016, April 10th). Does Love Really Mean Never Having to Say Youre Sorry? Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/talking-apes/201604/does-love-really-mean-never-having-say-you-re-sorry

Slother, E. B. (2016, April 21st). To Love Others, Love Yourself. Retrieved from Psychology today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/me-you-us/201604/love-others-love-yourself

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