Death in lifetime
In my lifetime, I have suffered a great loss because of death. I lost my brother few years ago. He was my mentor and he ensured a success in all that I did. 15 years ago, I lost my father, however, it has been tormenting so much to share the stories of their deaths with the rest of my family. Overtime I do find myself in grief and have always felt that my life is in a mess. Sadly I was not lucky enough to get the right counseling and guidance I needed to help me overcome my problems and live a healthy life. Currently I am 42 years old and I feel that I should be changing my habits on bereavement. Due to this problem, I sought to look into various ways including the models which can help me solve my grief problems. In this paper, I have given an overview on grief, mourning and bereavement. Further, I have also outlined the couching techniques and plans that I would use to help me overcome my long-term problem.
Death is a situation often encountered in individuals' lives. It, therefore, calls for people, especially the bereaved to have a clear empathy on the reactions and responses to grief. Good understanding of the reactions and responses to bereavement makes one in a better position to support friends, family and relatives during the bereavement process. When death occurs, there comes a natural human response called grief. It occurs mostly when one loses their loved ones. In most cases, the term mourning, bereavement, grief are used interchangeably. However, grief describes one's personal response to death, including physical, behavioral, emotional, spiritual, social and cognitive reactions portrayed by individuals in case of loss. Mourning, on the other hand, refers to the outward and active reaction that is defined by people when death occurs, whereas, bereavement refers to the period of after death during which the mourning and grief occur. It is a state faced by people after having the loss. It is a form of depression that occurs overtime for an extended period in individuals' lives. When bereavement occurs, the affected may experience, anxiety, inertia, insomnia, hyperactivity and other psychological problems. Grief and bereavement can cause a lot of problems in the minds of individuals. I have outlined the various models that I would develop to set my coaching plan.
Theories and Models of Behavior Change
In coaching, it is important to understand the principles around the behavior of individuals. It was also important to deeply understand the theories and the models that can be used to help individuals solve long-term effects of bereavement. To help understand and relieve individuals from bereavement problems, psychologists have come up with theories and models of coaching people who are bereaved (Geldard, 2017). These theories are discussed in the chapters of this paper. These theories and models outline why individuals need to change their thoughts and feelings upon being bereaved and how they can cope up with such changes. In most occasions, individuals have faced challenges to making a behavior change. However, for the behavior change to be effective, it depends on the models and the theories that one may use to coach the affected persons. Each model is aimed at solving specific problems, and they are discussed below.
It is also known as the stages of change. It involves five-stage processes of change in an individual. These stages include contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action and maintenance. The model underlines that people progress through these stages at different rates. Often the people move back and forth along continuum several times before maintaining before finally achieving the goal of maintenance (Garvey, Stokes, & Megginson, 2014). The stages are therefore referred to as cyclical rather than linear. The model involves the use of various processes of change by the people as they move from one stage to another. In this theory, the tailoring interventions should match the one's readiness. Further, the model states that persons use different stages of change as they move from one process to the other. The model also adds that it is important for the tailoring interventions to match an individuals' readiness. People, who are not yet contemplating to become active for example, are encouraged to undergo a step by step movement of change since it may be more efficient than moving directly into action. The model, therefore, clearly explains the importance of moving from one step to another for an effective change of one's behavior. Just like other coaching models and theories, I realized this theory has its failures. There may occur repeated failures due to poor planned support and intervention. It may also be overwhelmed by the social, financial, or cultural factors that may deter the ability of change in the behavior.
Goal Theory and Learning Theory
Goal setting theory involves outlining specific, measurable and time targeting objectives of individual's behavior. Locke in his research (1960) was the founder of the goal theory. In his research, Locke found that 90 percent of persons who had well-set goals had high higher performance compared to individuals who had no set goals (Cavanagh, 2005). To change from specific behavior to the other, coaches should ensure that they set achievable goals for the affected individuals. The goals are clear guidelines of a sense of direction. To help me recover from bereavement and grief, I learnt the importance of setting my objectives in the entire coaching period. Through proper setting of goals I would focus in doing the activities that would help me change my behavior.
This theory states that learning a new a complex pattern like changing one's lifestyle in, many cases requires modification of small behaviors. Practices that give direction towards a set objective should be established first. Further, these behaviors should be well reinforced in the individual's lifestyles. It is important to note that most behaviors including the physical activities are learned and reinforced in complex situations. In addressing the problems for people affected by grief, one should be advised on how to change their behaviors. This may be achieved through continuous encouragement, praise, and other extrinsic rewards.
Cognitive Theory and Ecological Approaches
The cognitive theory states that change of behavior is affected by one's environment, personal factors, and the attributes. The theory further outlines that for one to change his or her behavior effectively, they must believe in the ability to perform the behavior. They must also perceive to an incentive towards a change of the behavior (Lees, n.d.). It is through self-efficacy that one may develop an important change in their behavior. To successfully, get relived from grief, I sought to get couched on how to survive on my environment since it may be the source of my problems. Proper scanning of my environment and the personal attributes is a significant development in solving my grief problems.
An ecological approach is a critique of the models of the behavior change. Unlike other theories and models which majorly concentrate on individual behavior, ecological approaches focus on the increasing participation in the physical activities. According to ecological practices, individuals suffering from bereavement problems may take part in other physical activities to help relieve them from thoughts of grief. I realized that the ecological approach is the best way to get over my problems and currently have opted to take part into physical activities; I already set a time table of going to the gym at least twice in a week.
Kolbe, Andragogy, GAP models and Grief Coaching Techniques
To enhance my coaching success I would also adopt Kolbe’s coaching success reports that gear motivation on how to deal with bereavement problem. Kolbe’s model has enhanced successful change in behavior and performance at different levels. At the age of 42 years, I would also adopt an adult learning theory to help relive me from bereavement problems .Andragogy is very important since it makes grown people learn on how they can cope up with various problems in their environments. Further, I would use the requirement outlined in the GAP model to ensure that the insights have gained during the coaching session on bereavement problems are adopted and followed to the latter. Keen application and follow up of these models will help me appreciate that grief exists and should not be taken as a life torment.
There are three major techniques I would use to solve my grief problems. First, I learnt that I should always be feeling free to talk about the deceased. In many cases, people often feel awkward to talk about the deceased with the bereaved (Carr, 2013). This should not be the case since the bereaved always long to talk about their partners and loved ones who they may have some time in their lives. I would feel free to ask about the deceased and share a lot of stories with the bereaved since this will help them feel free and open to sharing about their lost loved ones. Feeling free to share is one way that will help one relieve themselves from bereavement problems. Another important coaching technique that one should use to help the bereaved is to distinguish grief from trauma. In case one is traumatized from grief, the most critical thing is to make them traumatize, this will help them feel free (Reid, 2016). The third way through which individuals can coach to deal with grief is to help them feel free from guilt and help them organize from grief. Most often the bereaved should be advised and let to understand that they can grief better. Through this, they get to understand that they can forget about their lost ones for some time e to make them think about them at some time in future. The bereaved can also be advised to a set a day, maybe in a month or twice in a year to think about their lost ones.
The Coaching Plan
For any success in the coaching of the bereaved, it is important to have a plan for the session. I therefore came up with a coaching plan to help me come out of grief. The first important issue in coaching is to identify the coaching agreement. Here the issues to be conducted in a day are outlined. Upon setting the issues for the session, the one should also outline the expected outcome of the session. Outlining of the outcome will help guide in the achievement of set objectives of the session (Dean, & Biswas-Diener, 2013). After the establishment of the expected outcomes, the coach is then expected to take part input his actions into practice through coaching of the client. In the process of coaching the client must choose the actions to commit to. Upon these procedures, the coach and the client should be able to identify the key outcomes of the session. Further, they should also be able to account for what the client learned in the session.
A lot of researchers have shown clearly the effects of bereavement on individuals. Bereavement is associated with distinctive symptoms, risk factors, and psychological problems. Appropriate interventions have been developed to help a bereaved individual to live freely in the society. These responses include coaching and counseling of the bereaved. Models and theories have also contributed significantly to providing solutions and understanding to the bereaved. However, as much as these interventions are used, the bereaved should also show self-effort to help them live freely in the society. From the models, theories, techniques and the coaching plans outlined above, I strongly feel that my problems on bereavement are set to end.
Carr, A. (2013). Positive Psychology (1st ed.). Routledge.
Cavanagh, M. (2005). Evidence-based coaching (1st ed.). Bowen Hills: Australian Academic Press.
Dean, B., & Biswas-Diener, R. (2013). Positive psychology coaching (1st ed.). Hoboken, N.J.: Wiley.
Garvey, B., Stokes, P., & Megginson, D. (2014). Coaching and mentoring (1st ed.). Los Angeles, Calif. [u.a.]: SAGE.
Geldard, D. (2017). Basic personal counseling (1st ed.). South Melbourne, Vic.: Cengage Learning.
Lees, W. Coaching in Australia (1st ed.). Brisbane: Carter-Watson Co.
Reid, H. (2016). Introduction to career counseling & coaching (1st ed.). Los Angeles: SAGE.
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