If you would ask me what I was so afraid of about a year ago I would probably tell you spiders, darkness, and assignments. However, it is not until recently I realized I have a fear of heights. Yes, heights. I was so reluctant to notice this phobia because ever since my childhood I have been trying to avoid heights. I knew that being in high places scared me and most times I would avoid them; which is ironic because throughout my childhood years I have been a leader, and my mother would always tease me, “ How can you dream of soaring high in life yet fear height? The two go hand in hand.” Of course, she said a lot of things trying to get me overcome my fear of heights but unfortunately, like most things she said, it got in one ear and out the other. It was as if she had not said anything at all.
I did understand where she was coming from because, no mother would want a cowardice kid and braveness is affiliated with responsibility and self-awareness, but I just could not get myself to seeing things her way.
Height was my ultimate fear. I remember when I was eight years old, we moved from our old rented apartment which was located on the eighth floor to a ground floor apartment. My dad, being a man of less drama tolerance, thought I was just childish; something that got me into many altercations with him. Of course, my mom would cut in and stop him as she always took my side and did not fancy the idea of dad punishing me, or any other person for that matter. To her, the sun rose and set in my eyes and she would be there for anything I needed. If I needed any punishing, then she was the right person to do that and no one else was allowed. Talk of the purity of mother’s love.
My fear of heights grew by day; it did not follow the standard curve - the more you face your fears, the more they are diminished. I got to a point where I even started having nightmares about heights. From school, I would hesitate to get home because it necessitated me going a couple of floors up. To make matters worse, the building’s lift had transparent glasses, and this did not make it any easier for me. I would wait for someone to get on the lift, and I would use them as a human shield. When I was a little younger, I released this fear through screams and shouted all the way up but with time I learned how to control myself.
My Biggest Fear Essay
Height is a phenomenon I cannot get myself to understand and why it scares me so much is a puzzle I have never solved. It changed and still does change the way I live my life. I think it does a little bit more than that; it holds me back in life and what is worse is that I cannot do anything about it. Back in the day, amusement parks were not any fun for me but rather fear factors. Fun activities such as riding a rollercoaster looked more like a death wish to me. I mean how could anyone possibly have any real fun riding such a terrible thing that seemed to reach heavens and back? Every time I visited such parks, I would end up feeling out of place, and it was not long after I made a decision to stay out of such situations for good.
Of all my height encounters, there is one moment that crowns them all. I was with my then best friend, Steve, who was as mischievous as a monkey. I had been friends with him for the longest time to know he was full of mischief. It was on a fine Saturday afternoon after I had finished all my assignments and the house chores assigned to me when he passed by our home and asked me to accompany him to an event. Upon enquiring, he said it was a surprise and was not going to ruin it by letting the cat out of the bag. Wise enough to doubt his intentions but foolish enough to believe him, I followed him meekly like a ship being led to the slaughterhouse. I had my doubts along the way but he would assure me everything was fine. It was not long before we were at the amusement park and before I could reproach him, he had his friends take me on the rollercoaster forcefully. All my pleas and cries fell on deaf ears and within no time the rollercoaster was set on motion.
I felt as if I had no desire to live but no wish to die. It was a mixture of adrenaline, fear, false courage and anger. For a moment, I thought I was having fun but when it was all over; that’s how a four-year old friendship was lost. Many people thought I was being petty and mean but I felt betrayed especially because he knew of my height phobia. The event was not without some lessons of its own; the first one being never trust anyone too much. However, it was at that moment I realized that the fear was psychological and that I was stronger than I thought. I do not deny freaking out during the experience but when it was all over, I gained some courage from it. It was like being face to face with death and taking its mask off.
To some extent, I considered thanking Steve for that but the fact that he betrayed me could not let me. From that day, my fear of height was reduced and I was ready to face my fear. I got a strong will to experience and get over with this fear. Currently, I am trying out new things that I was so afraid to try before. Although my heart skips a beat, I take the lifts like normal people and use air transport when necessary. I have been on a rollercoaster three times since that experience voluntarily and I recall having fun the last time I was there. I have learned that one’s fears are only as big as they feed them and so I decided to starve my fear of heights.
I have been reading books, articles and stories of people who had similar fears and how they overcame it. I draw my motivation and inspiration from them. Although, I might have lost a best friend, what I gained in return was far much precious. Lately, the fear of heights does not hold me back in life. Sometimes, I even laugh it out with my friends and family. From the moment I decided enough was enough and decided to overcome my fear of heights, I have gained a sense of power. I am able to face challenges and realize that I am bigger than my fears. I have gotten to learn and like the scenery from the top enjoying the view. I can also brag about flying in an airplane with my window down just so I can enjoy the view from top.
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